my journal

Hate your job? You're not alone.

2010-04-12T18:18:00.002+08:00

Today I spent some time googling ‘hate your job’. Most of the websites offer ambiguous or unrealistic advice, some of them don’t even offer anything – they just give a platform for all the people who hate their jobs a platform to rant.

I flipped through at least 9 pages of search results to find only one site that was close to useful - WiseBread, a site full of articles that teaches you how to ‘live large on a small budget’.

Like most others, it gives a list of tips on ‘how to survive (and Thrive!) in a job you hate’. The one difference is, it has captured my attention from point one.

‘Know why you’re there’.

Basically it says you have to remember why you took the job in the first place. Remember the process that led up to your current situation – the job search, the interviews, your conversations with others about the job, your conversations with yourself about the job, hearing that you got the job and accepting it… the point is that you took the job for a good reason. And yes, I should constantly remind myself of that reason whenever I feel like I’m losing it.

‘Have realistic expectations’.

It’s a big bang in the head – ‘don’t expect yourself to ever love your job’. Just because you don’t love it doesn’t mean something is wrong. I used to think there’s something wrong with me, always finding my job annoying no matter where or with whom I work. But it’s ok to be unhappy, it’s ok to hate your job, it’s ok to be dissatisfied because there are other areas in your life that make you happy.

Another tip that I adopted right away was ‘Personalise your space’.

Easy enough, it’s just putting up pictures of things or people that motivate you for working. I’ve changed my desktop from a dull preset blue screen to a red yoga poster, and I’m planning to put a nice picture of the people I love on the desk. They help you feel that you’re more than your job, help you remember why you’re really there and help you choose to stay.

After all, it’s all about perception and choice.

Nobody knows

2010-04-08T19:26:00.003+08:00

I had some time to ponder over my job over the holiday, and the pondering resulted in depressing outcome.

It all began when I was watching a romantic comedy – the leading actress asked how the main actor liked his job, he answered, ‘it’s good, regular hours, steady paychecks.’

As she shockingly discovered that he hated his job, she said, ‘if you hate it, you should change it.’

He looked at her in doubt, just as I would if someone told me to quit a stable job that I’m perfectly capable for.

The story went on. They fell in love but were soon driven apart by a stupid misunderstanding. The guy pulled himself together and dived into his passion for alternate music, in the end producing a heart warming musical that won the girl back.
So are movies a reflection of life or are they an exaggeration?

Friend A said movies make everything too simple – there is always other stuff to consider in life.

Friend B said movies make everything too easy – it’s like the main guy is just waiting for a happy ending no matter how screwed up his life might be.

Who’s to say a certain decision is right or wrong? Who knows what would have happened if the main guy has stuck to his boring job? Or if his musical would turn out to be an utter disaster?

A yoga master once said that there is no right or wrong decision. When you make a decision, it may not be the result you expected. The only way to find out is to go through the experience and just do it. “The total acceptance of what it is”, he said.

Who’s to say if I would have been better off staying with my old boring job? Or if I would achieve more if I endure all this crap and stick with the new one?

Then it dawned on me – I don’t know what I want.

All my life it’s been about what others expect of me, they expected me to go to college, they expected me to get a decent job, they expect me to climb the corporate ladder and one day be ‘successful’.

Parents, friends, or even people who you barely speak to anymore, they’ve watched bits and pieces of your life and they expect you to become something more, accomplish something bigger, be better for yourself.

It doesn’t have to be put into word or action, it’s in the air.

When I failed a test in school, it wasn’t myself who I felt I’ve let down, it was my parents.

It was never about me.

And after all these years of skipping through people’s gaze, I have no idea of what I want anymore.

The guy in the movie has music to fall back into. I’m afraid if I was to let go of the career ladder I’m so desperately gripping onto, I’d only fall through void and emptiness until I crash the cement floor and die.

When I was a child, my mum used to tell me that I was collecting rocks in a river. It was hard work, but the more I picked up, the more likely I’d find a rugged diamond.

Silly as I am, I thought I found my diamonds when I threw my graduation cap in the air, not knowing life is all about collecting rocks.

And the diamonds? Who’s to say you would be better off if you’ve worked your ass off collecting rocks? The diamonds may just be as distant as the carrot hanging off a donkey’s forehead, an unreachable fantasy that drives you through everyday’s pain and mystery.

So what’s the right choice? To endure and reach for the stars or sit back and laugh at all the sweating donkeys with carrots in their eyes.

God only knows.

QUOTA

2010-02-08T18:39:00.000+08:00

Is there a quota for everything in life?
You can only eat that many greasy burgers, spend that much of money, sleep for that many hours…
And I’ve just discovered another quota in my life in the past month – I can only write that much!
I started my new job at the turn of the decade, (now there’s been lots of debate on whether the decade starts in 2010 or 2011, but I’ll take TIME’s side and say, “Well, the millennium started in 2000 didn’t it?”) and it’s been exciting, challenging, overwhelming and humiliating as I begin to get a taste of all the sweet and sour as a reporter.
But nothing bothers me more than this – I’ve lost my will to write outside of work.
Words used to be my friends, and now they’re my bread and butter.
I dig them up from my rusting head and transfer them on a computer screen from 9 to 6 (that’s only the minimum length of time of course), and more often as time passes, I can feel them running out.
It’s always “xxx partners with xxx to launch xxx’, or ‘xxx bags/wins/scores/snatched xxx’. Words like ‘bolster’, ‘reshuffle’, ‘frenzy’, ‘push’ stay afloat in my mind.
I just hope my blog won’t end up filled with words like that, not that I update it often.
See? Writing quota!

Inspiration from yoga

2009-12-08T16:55:00.004+08:00

Taking yoga classes a few times a week has become a habit now. On the days I skip my class, I'd be twisting and bending at what my parents think 'angles that are only possible when you're possessed' when I go to bed at night.

However, practice doesn't necessarily make perfect. I fall a lot during practice. I can't hold myself up with only my arms. My legs shake like they're being electrocuted when I half-squat. Not to mention sore muscles and back pains when I didn't check all my alignments for all the postures.

Yes, yoga is physically challenging. An hour of power yoga is extremely intensive and liberating when you realize you survived the session. What more challenging is the focus it takes to keep calm during all the possessed-like twisting and bending.

A yoga master wrote, we're all waves in the ocean. So similar and yet at the same time so different. There is no way to compare, and no need to compare. The core value of yoga is to find that inner peace during practice - the focus on your pure self and nothing or nobody else - and extend that feeling to your daily life. How you cope with the conflicting demands from the outside, like pulling your hands and feet with opposite force; or how you keep your balance in the ever-changing environment, like bending backward while standing with 1 leg; or many others postures that resembles life in so many other ways. How you can be yourself, concentrate on yourself, while being in an ocean of waves.

Yoga is not the only way to this realization. It is merely my way of achieving physical strength and mental balance in this frantic world. Some people find it overrated. But it does give you a new perspective to life, or at the very least, to your fitness level.

Job hunt

2009-11-19T14:34:00.001+08:00

Finding a new job is like going on a blind date. You have to wear your best outfit, put on the right makeup, pretend to be graceful and confidant and all that you’re not on a normal day. It’s a daunting and frustrating experience.

And just how do you know that’s the right guy for you in a brief 30 minutes chat? How do you let your true colours shine through? And if you do, is that what he’s been looking for? How do you be aggressive and humble at the same time?

And then, you move on to a long wait. You twitch and jump every time your phone rings with an unknown number – maybe that’s him calling you for a second date! Even though most of the time the unknown call turns out to be promotions about personal loans, crazy diet or English courses, your heart still drums a tiny bit faster and heavier when your phone does ring.

That’s not it! You also check your email every 10 minutes for new messages – and you never forget scanning your spam box either, just in case.

When you're sure there’s absolutely nothing, after checking all channels of communication for a gazillion times, you start making excuses for him. Perhaps he’s too busy, or he went on an urgent business trip, or he was in a car accident, or he was kidnapped… Or maybe, he’s meeting somebody new and it just slipped his mind to inform you.

Isn’t this annoying, having to wait and wait and wait for someone who barely knows you to tell you if you’d be a ‘valuable asset’. I hate it, yet I have to keep going on blind dates to find my Mr. Right – most of the time just to get shut down – until I get to a point where I can’t be bothered to try anymore. Then, it’s time to stick to reality – yes, I’m good for no one and nothing – and prepare to be alone for the rest of my life.

It’ll be fine. I can go on walking tours with widows and lesbians.

PS. This is 100% purely analogy. I love my boyfriend. I just want a new job.

The fine line between profit and ethics

2009-10-13T15:05:00.005+08:00

It's easy for me to choose because I don't run the place. I earn a fixed amount regardless of how I choose to approach my work. My manager though, I think she's lost it.

I'd like to believe that all decisions made in business are binding, so is a decision to hire or fire an employee. How she can tell my colleague she'd extend her probation and give her more training, and at the same time ask her friend to join us is beyond me. How can she look someone in the eye and tell her, 'we'll keep you', while planning to replace her? What's the point in doing that?

She'd say our company is losing money, and we can't effort an inefficient team member. Right, how about the rest of the team who witnessed ur evil scheme? Does she not think this would affect us? That this would demoralize everyone and drive us crazy?

In a tiny company like this, the link between commitment and performance is clearer than ever. Sometimes pay raise and better benefits can't fix what's wrong, sometimes people are not as materialistic as we presume.

And this is obviously coming from a person who doesn't have to support a family yet.

But that's not the point. There'll never be a pay raise anyway, cheapskates.

Favourite kiss of all time

2009-06-19T15:41:00.003+08:00

There are countless memorable kisses from centuries of literature, photography and movies. One friend of mine loves the Hollywood leg-popping kiss, another is crazy about kisses in the rain, or as my boyfriend says, the upside-down Spiderman kiss.

My favourite is one of the classics, the unforgettable, the everlasting - V-J day in Times Square.

Shot by Alfred Eisenstaedt on 14 August 1945 at Times Square, New York. Source: Wikipedia :)

Undersea volcano errupted near Tonga

2009-03-20T14:48:00.004+08:00

Photo credit AFP

Sam the Koala

2009-02-13T15:37:00.003+08:00

If you've been watching the news you'd have noticed Sam.
The wildfire in Victoria is deadly and devastating, over 180 lives were lost to date.
Doing what I do I've seen haunting pictures - raging fires, fleeing animals, charred homes, sobbing fathers or mothers or sons or daughters...
Tuesday morning I was deeply shocked when I saw a photo of a dead horse. It was ashy, stone-like. Its tongue was stuck out and rolled up in a distorted way.
Wednesday night I saw the clip of Sam. Koalas don't approach people, they don't drink water; but there she was grabbing the fireman's finger, gulping water from the plastic bottle. Sam was burnt, n she was taken to a hospital.
Thursday I read the news about the koala love story. Sam's in love with Bob, a koala brought to the hospital earlier. They shared the same burnt smell.
Thousands of people clicked on YouTube to watch the clip. Thousands of people were touched.
Love, in one of the simplest, purest form.
Happy valentine's day.

The sound of silence

2009-02-06T13:00:00.004+08:00

I used to think sometimes it's better to leave certain things unsaid. I used to think sometimes things are understood. I used to think confrontations bring nobody any good.

I still do, but perhaps this only works for me.

Perhaps some things have to be said out loud. Perhaps some things have to be explained - however hard it is to get the words right, to get the tone right, to get the moment right.

I never meant to hurt anyone I love, yet somehow I ended up hurting everyone I love, for staying silent.

I'm more frustrated than ever.

"And in the naked light I saw
Ten thousand people, maybe more.
People talking without speaking,
People hearing without listening,
People writing songs that voices never share
And no one dared
Disturb the sound of silence.

Fools said I, you do not know
Silence like a cancer grows.
Hear my words that I might teach you,
Take my arms that I might reach you.
But my words like silent raindrops fell,
And echoed
In the wells of silence."

Lyrics from The Sound Of Silence by Simon and Garfunkel.

Happy 2009!

2009-01-04T10:26:00.000+08:00

nothing beats a new year, when everything's fresh and everyone gets a new start.

here crediting romy smits, we wish u awareness and desire.

Starry Starry Night

2008-12-08T21:52:00.002+08:00

If you didn't already know, I listen to oldies. This is a song written by Don McLean in 1971, in tribute to the artist Vincent van Gogh.

http://www.jango.com/music/Don+McLean
Vincent / Starry Starry Night
Starry, starry night.
Paint your palette blue and grey,
Look out on a summer's day,
With eyes that know the darkness in my soul.
Shadows on the hills,
Sketch the trees and the daffodils,
Catch the breeze and the winter chills,
In colors on the snowy linen land.

Now I understand what you tried to say to me,
How you suffered for your sanity,
How you tried to set them free.
They would not listen, they did not know how.
Perhaps they'll listen now.

Starry, starry night.
Flaming flowers that brightly blaze,
Swirling clouds in violet haze,
Reflect in Vincent's eyes of china blue.
Colours changing hue, morning field of amber grain,
Weathered faces lined in pain,
Are soothed beneath the artist's loving hand.

Now I understand what you tried to say to me,
How you suffered for your sanity,
How you tried to set them free.
They would not listen, they did not know how.
Perhaps they'll listen now.

For they could not love you,
But still your love was true.
And when no hope was left in sight
On that starry, starry night,
You took your life, as lovers often do.
But I could have told you, Vincent,
This world was never meant for one
As beautiful as you.

Starry, starry night.
Portraits hung in empty halls,
Frameless head on nameless walls,
With eyes that watch the world and can't forget.
Like the strangers that you've met,
The ragged men in the ragged clothes,
The silver thorn of bloody rose,
Lie crushed and broken on the virgin snow.

Now I think I know what you tried to say to me,
How you suffered for your sanity,
How you tried to set them free.
They would not listen, they're not listening still.
Perhaps they never will.

the beauty of photography

2008-11-18T09:09:00.002+08:00

one of the great things about my new job is i get to browse and pick some fabulous photos from all over the world and feature them in one of the issue every week.

of course when it comes to kids the photos can't be too scary or political or dull, which can be different from what i'd pick as inspiring. but looking through the collection makes me want to learn more about photography.
suddenly my to-do list is growing exponentially: my certificate course which is forgotten by most (myself included), catch up with what's happening in the world, exercise after work, organize all the photos from trips n congregation etc etc.

but now i feel like what i do means something to someone, what i wrote is getting out to others.

hope you feel the same with what you do too :)

I love Rasa Ria!

2008-11-09T17:06:00.009+08:00

i was going to say "I love Sabah" but on second thought i've only been to their city, so i was going to say "I love Kota Kinabalu". but i thought again and i realized for 99% of the time i was at the resort so "I love Rasa Ria!"

to some it's a waste not to go diving or horseback riding or shopping, to me all i need from a vacation is a good relax.
i spent hours sitting on a beach looking at the fine sand and the blue blue sky, listening to the waves and chirping birds, not having to worry about safety, getting ripped off, getting lost and a million other things i worry about when going around a strange city. i loved every second of just lying back on a deckchair enjoying the weather and the view.

they say a picture's worth a thousand words.

i couldn't be any fuuuuuurrrrrther from bored :)

Thank you my friends :)

2008-11-05T09:09:00.002+08:00

i would like to take a moment here and say a big thank you to each and every one of my friends who wished me happy birthday, may it be on the phone, fb, sms, msn, email...

Sigmund Freud once said "Love and work are the cornerstones of our humanness."

thanks to all of you, my cup is half full :)

happy Diwali!

2008-10-29T11:00:00.003+08:00

yesterday 28 Oct was the new moon day of the month Kartika in India - the celebration of Diwali. Also known as the "Festival of Lights" (part of Diwali observance is with rows and rows of lights and lamps), Diwali symbolizes good triumphs over evil.

positive reflection, unity, optimism, Diwali's message is one that resonates with people of all faiths.

best wishes at this special time.

WOW!

2008-10-28T18:22:00.003+08:00

yesterday i went to a very causal interview at TimeOut Hong Kong, one of my favourite art/culture magazines. (though i usually read it for its restaurant reviews) the place was exactly how i imagine it'd be as a publishing company: simple, open, energetic, slightly messy in its own cute way - the exact opposite of LVMH lol*
the chat was more than causal, which makes perfect sense as it was for an editorial internship position.
in less than 15 mins, i realized as much as i enjoy reading the magazine, i'm probably not the right one to write it. i have a looooot of work to do before i'm qualified to :)
as a start, i walked around the shabby part of wan chai. on my way i discovered an old book store selling interesting design books at a real bargain, the fanciest maxim bakery i've ever seen, n the almost famouw WOW! Burger.
lucky for me the place was almost empty as it was way past the rush hours at lunch. my made-to-order beef burger was ready in 10 mins and i would've willingly waited a lot longer for it. hot soft bun with a bit of baked-crunchiness, juicy patty, fresh lettuce and tomato, and i love the salad sauce! for just $23 it's way better than most "gourmet burgers" i've tried.
so do grab one if u're in the neighborhood, it's right opposite to VTC wan chai. i'm sure u won't miss the big WOW!
enjoy :)

mountain gorillas

2008-10-21T17:48:00.003+08:00

for a job-interview assignment (o yea i'm job hunting again lol), i had to write a few paragraphs about mountain gorillas.

i spent the entire morning researching about something i would've never read if it's not for this assignment, and it turned out to be very interesting.

did you know...
* there are only 720 mountain gorillas left in the world
* mountain gorillas and us share 98% of genetic composition
* they make a new bed with leafs every night coz they poop in them
* each of them has a unique nose-print
* they are gentle and shy creatures that only make noise to scare away intruders

and the list went on and on... n it dawned on me just how much i don't know about the world.

maybe i should subscribe this kids' newspaper even if i don't get the job lol

calling for appeal!

2008-10-16T15:52:00.007+08:00

as an inactive member of Amnesty International, my usual contribution is skimming their Urgent Action note after they've been marked "unread" for a couple of weeks in my mailbox. but now that i'm at a full-time job that doesn't require full-time work, i have the time to read all my emails(!) and send an appeal(!!!) regarding the matter.

i don't live in my own little world (at least i don't think so) but some of these notes come as quite a shock to me. just how different a person's life could be on the other side of the planet, in the less fortunate countries, in this case - mexico.

on 3 oct, a police operation (with apparent intention to arrest community leaders responsible for organizing the occupation of an archaeological site in the area) entered the indigenous community of Miguel Hidalgo in Mexico. the inhabitants resisted by disarming them and detaining them in a community centre.
couple of hours later, a larger police operation with 300 officers entered the community firing guns and teargas canisters. 2 protesters were killed and 17 injured.

it doesn't end here.

a local, Agustin, who lives near the community, went there with his wife and son to transport some of the injured to a hospital. his van was shot on the way by a police car and stopped. Agustin was hit in the leg, was then made to get out of the van and was shot in the chest. the police went on and shot 4 other people in the van. Agustin and 3 other men died on the spot.

and it doesn't end here.

on 6 oct the state Governor publicly apologized to the victims and families for the 3 oct police operation. yet witnesses of the event are at high risk of intimidation and threats to deter them, relatives of victims and community members from seeking justice. there are various documented cases on prosecutions of police in the area for serious human rights violations have led to threats to victims and witnesses, and naturally, no effective protection is available from the government.

it's hard to imagine something so barbarian, so rambo-like, is happening everyday somewhere on our planet. i can understand famine, drought, poverty, disasters caused by (let it be economical or natural) a stronger force than human power. however underprivileged or uneducated one may be, there are no reasons for such action. every one of us is entitled to basic human rights, i'd like to believe it is something we are born with. (i do live in my own little world don't i)

if we don't have respect for each other, what are we?

calling for appeals now till 26 nov, send to:
Governor of Chiapas
Lic. Juan José Sabines Guerrero
Gobernador del Estado de Chiapas
Palacio de Gobierno, 1º piso, Col. Centro,
C.29000, Tuxtla Gutiérrez, Chiapas, México
Fax: +52 961 618 8050. You will then be asked for an extension number, type in: 21122
Email: juansabines@chiapas.gob.mx
Salutation: Dear Governor/Señor Gobernador

Minister of Justice of Chiapas state
Lic. Amador Rodríguez Lozano
Ministro de Justicia del Estado de Chiapas
Libramiento Norte s/n, tercer nivel
Col. Infonavit “El Rosario”, CP 29049
Tuxtla Gutiérrez, Chiapas, México
Fax: + 52 961 61 657 24
Email: arodriguez@mje.chiapas.gob.mx
Salutation: Dear Minister/ Señor Ministro

Human Rights Commission of Chiapas
Lic. Juan Carlos Moreno Guillén
Presidente de la Comisión de los Derechos Humanos de Chiapas
Comisión de los Derechos Humanos de Chiapas
Boulevard Comitán 143, Col. Moctezuma
Tuxtla Gutiérrez, Chiapas, México
Fax: +52 961 639 6615 (if someone answers, say: “me da tono de fax, por favor”)
Salutation: Dear President/ Señor Presidente

COPIES TO:
Fray Bartolomé de Las Casas Human Rights Centre
Centro de Derechos Humanos Fray Bartolomé de Las Casas, A.C.
Calle Brasil 14, Barrio Méxicanos, 29240 San Cristóbal de Las Casas, Chiapas, México
Email: accionurgente@frayba.org.mx

and to diplomatic representatives of Mexico accredited to your country.

why do people get married?

2008-10-12T19:25:00.003+08:00

watched a movie today with mum.

seeing her friends' going through affairs and divorces, a woman started to lose confidence in her 14-year marriage. she wondered why people get married, why make these promises and break them.

a man said it was pregnancy.

a divorced man said it was passion.

the movie goes on, she realized it was because we need to a witness to our lives.
there are a billion people on the planet, what does any one's life really mean.
but in a marriage, you are promising to care about everything.
the good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the humdrum things,
all of it, all the time, every day.
you're saying your life won't go unnoticed because i will notice it
your life will not go unwitnessed because i will be your witness

cheesy, but that is romantic.

2008-10-02T10:03:00.001+08:00

"To dream of the future is one of the most beautiful things in life"

--- Sheikh Mohammed

what happened to my dream?

2008-09-18T16:41:00.000+08:00

mini potato**

to be or not to be

2008-08-25T11:16:00.002+08:00

in the past 2 weeks, i've learnt my lessons as a fresh graduate starting her first job - how to kill time n sleep with my eyes open in the office. n that's just my first step, now i'm working on how to do that while not feeling like a total loser.

the more time i sit around in the office, the more i wonder just how many other office newcomers are out there feeling lost and left out. how many of them are so incredibly talented, how many of them are so full of drive and passion, how many of them are ready to do something with their lives but are just put aside. n how many of them are like me, an average rookie with an absurb dream (broken within the first 72 hours) of being productive at work.

general feedback: "Naah don't be silly, you're getting paid for just sitting there", "it's better than having to do endless meaningless paperwork", "hang in there, it's prob just like that in the first couple of days/weeks/months/years", "just quit :P"

while i have solemnly considered each and every response, i don't see a way out. after 2 intensive workouts, 4 talks with my parents, a few dozens of prep talk with some oldest friends, countless loss of emotional control, i've come to realize the tragic fact that this is the best i could do.

so if they think i'm not ready, i'll wait. if they think i should stick with the top-priority of sitting around, ok. this job isn't the only thing i can do with my life (time-wise yes maybe =.=), n it won't be.

note to self: monogamy doesn't work, not here.

2008-08-10T22:20:00.002+08:00

tomorrow marks the start of a new chapter.

Mandela - His 8 Lessons of Leadership

2008-07-29T18:40:00.001+08:00

The world's greatest moral leader celebrates his 90th birthday, reflecting on a lifetime of service - and what we can learn from it.

No.1 Courage is not the absence of fear, it's inspiring others to move beyond it.
No.2 Lead from the front, but don't leave your base behind.
No.3 Lead from the back, and let others believe they are in front.
No.4 Know your enermy, and learn about his favourite sport.
No.5 Keep your friends close, and your rivals even closer.
No.6 Appearances matter, and remember to smile.
No.7 Nothing is black and white.
No.8 Quitting is leading too.

-- Time 21 July 2008.
Full article at www.time.com/time/world/article/0,8599,1821467,00.html; a slideshow about how Mandela inspires us at www.time.com/mandela

Ensemble, c'est tout.

2008-07-20T21:52:00.003+08:00

"他們乘坐晚上七點半的火車, 兩人相對而坐, 各自默默地思忖著心事.

卡蜜兒笑著看法蘭克.

把妳的狗屎笑容留著自己, 我不要. 這是妳唯一會付出的東西: 把別人搞迷糊的微笑. 妳留著吧, 留給自己吧. 妳就和妳的彩色鉛筆獨自在城堡裡過一輩子算了, 這樣很適合妳. 我呢, 我累了. 我是泥土裡的蚯蚓, 愛上天上的星星, 做個短暫的夢就夠了.

法蘭克咬著牙看著卡蜜兒.

你生氣時, 真的有夠可愛. 你慌張失措時, 帥到不行. 為什麼我沒法放任自己和你在一起呢? 為什麼我讓你痛苦? 為什麼我要在胸前穿上防彈衣, 在肩上斜褂著兩個子彈匣呢? 為什麼我因為一些愚蠢的瑣事就卡住? 媽的, 拿個開罐器來吧! 看看你的刀具箱, 我確定你一定有東西可以讓我呼吸......

他們手牽手走出車站.

牽手, 不錯.

施予者不需要給予太多的承諾, 而接受者卻能獲得極大的撫慰......"

--------------------------- "Ensemble, c'est tout." By Anna Gavalda.

stupid! stupid! stupid!

2008-07-08T16:18:00.009+08:00

i've been diagnosed with terminal stupidity.

symptoms:
sleep disorder..............................checked.
interchangable timeframe...........checked.
mentally unstable........................checked.
incurably pessimistic..................checked.
self-demolishing..........................checked.

viola.

note: keep out. could be contagious.

2008-06-15T22:04:00.002+08:00

tu me manques

... tellement

valuable advice

2008-06-05T23:30:00.001+08:00

make sure your desire to be a hero at work now is indeed your own desire and not merely one that you are pursuing in order to satisfy someone else’s vision on you.

thank you my friend =)

My Dior

2008-05-23T18:39:00.004+08:00

today at work all ppl can talk about is the new dior phone.
in addition to all the regular features of a cell phone, touch screen, camera...... it offers a new gimmick: a miniature phone just a bit bigger than a USB key.
this mini "My Dior" clips to the outside of a bag for easier access. it communicates with the main phone so ppl can pick up/make calls with my dior n use the main phone for more complicated functions.
a bit weird to have 2 phones but yes... very innovative @@
o n it's priced at $5,000 USD

Retail therapy?

2008-05-01T00:01:00.002+08:00

Have you ever heard of retail therapy?

It is one of the very many job requirements of a salesperson – about their more high maintenance shoppers.

A university market professor said stores have become a figurative public square in that they offer people a place to congregate, making them the third place to linger beyond a person’s home or office. “The more people are getting beaten down in other areas of our lives, the more they feel obligated to take it out on salespeople.”

In retail therapy, there are 5 main types of extreme shoppers demading retailers’ attention:
1.Miss Lonely Hearts: well-practiced at pouring her heart out to a salesperson on a regular basis
2.The Addict: shops nonstop, and isn’t exactly sure why
3.The Psycho Shopper: prone to tantrums and just plain bizarre behavior. (one such shopper had a bergdorf goodman staffer snap naked photos of her in the dressing room @@)
4.The Performer-Exhibitionist: inclined to parade around the store in her underwear, flirt with salespeople or show off her latest dance move
5.Little Ms. Indecisive: tries on clothes as a form of exercise, is a big fan of putting merchandise on hold for days before actually buying and often is a chronic returner

So, are you any of those?

Chanel's Mobile Art

2008-04-19T23:22:00.001+08:00

Empty your bag. Bare your soul.

In bygone days, in the legal world, case files were just simple sheets of paper rolled up and carried in leather bags. Each lawyer had his own, and took his scrolls out one by one in front of the judge in order to read his defense speech. In other words, he "emptied his bag".
To "empty one's bag" has become an idiomatic expression in French, "vider son sac: dire ce qu'on a sur le coeur", used when someone reveals something that was kept secret for a long time.

--- Sophie Calle

The Unbearable Lightness of Being (con'd)

2008-04-05T23:57:00.002+08:00

Here’s something interesting…
Why do u think people get dizzy at high places? (when it’s perfectly safe, not like when u’re at the edge of a cliff or something)
I, being scared of height myself, thought it’s because of a weird sense of insecurity; somehow, virtually or not, we’re scared of falling.
But lately I realize, maybe not.
It’s said that this dizziness is a sound of void, coming beneath us. A sound that’s enticing us to fall, to let go of what we’re holding on to.
Some of us fought through it, some of us gave in.
When we let this dizziness overrides us, it’s us knowing how weak we are n craving to be even weaker. We desire to faint in front of people, to fall to the lowest ground there is.
Next time I say I feel dizzy, pls snap me out of it @@

The Unbearable Lightness of Being

2008-03-23T23:04:00.002+08:00

"尼采說永劫回歸的概念是最沉重的負擔. 如果生命每一秒都得重複無數次, 每一個動作都負荷著讓人不能承受的重大責任.

最沉重的負擔壓垮我們, 同時也是最激越的生命實現的形象. 我們越貼近地面, 生命也越真實.

完全沒有負擔讓存在變得比空氣還輕, 遠離地面, 一切動作自由自在, 卻又無足輕重."

- "The Unbearable Lightness of Being" by Milan Kundera.

so how do we live our lives?

movie pick!!!!!!!!

2008-03-16T22:57:00.001+08:00

"Before Sunrise" (1995)

i'm sorry if i've already bugged u on this but i just can't stop telling everyone lol
a wonderful love story, and it's definitely one of my top5 favourite movies!
the plot is simple, and it sounds like a chick flick (but i swear it's not!): a young american man met a french girl on a train in europe, n ended up spending 1 evening (both knowing that's probably their only night together) in Vienna.
i've never seen a love movie with THIS MUCH conversation, n everything's moving on so quickly that i can feel my mind racing trying to follow what they're talking about -> another great reason for me to watch it over n over again /// and and! i actually have a favourite scene! there really is a scene i feel so strongly about that it keeps replaying in my head @@
their convo is so insightful that i want to quote the entire script... unfortunately my writing's too superficial to retell the story, but i'm more than happy to watch it with u if u're interested ^^
n the sequel, "Before Sunset" (2004), is the most honest n most real movie i'd ever seen. it's a bit hard for me to really feel the emotions they're portraying, guess i should wait 9 years n watch this one again.
**a big THANK YOU to Alfred for recommending the movies n lending me the dvds! i don't think i'll be returning them any time soon :P

messssssssssed up

2008-03-01T20:35:00.004+08:00

it's been a long week, lots happened.
my mind was totally blank, but i did manage to finish some work, at least.
my friend said: never borrow trouble, imaginary things are harder to bear than real ones.

a big thank you to everyone, i love you all.

Chanel Mobile Art debuts in HK!

2008-02-17T23:59:00.002+08:00

Last November I wrote about this in the company newsletter, it’s just back then I wasn’t sure when exactly the exhibition starts.
Featuring 20 renowned artists, the fashion-funded art event is housed in a pavilion designed by Zaha Hadid. It is basically a walking tour through films, audio n visual stimulations that are all inspired by Chanel quilted hangbag. Each guest will be given a mp3 player for the soundtrack of the exhibition. Whether u’re a Chanel fan or not, it’s worth a visit just to see the space created by Hadid n Lagerfeld~!
This Contemporary Art Container will travel to 6 cities around the world within the coming 2 years, starting from HK! The pavilion is right now being assembled at 9 Edinburgh Place, Central and the exhibition will start from 27 Feb till 5 Apr.
Unlike other Chanel events, Mobile Art is open to public with a processing charge of $10~ ^^ So do go to hkticketing.com to book a ticket before the word spreads!
Here’s a preview clip of the art container, enjoy!

Happy valentine’s day!

2008-02-14T23:50:00.001+08:00

First let me start by apologizing for my previous entry, apparently it’s not gd /long enough @@
Can’t help but wonder, why have I stopped blogging? It’s not like I’m much busier than last year. Just when I was digging deep in my head on my long way home tonight, I realized it’s not that my life’s now too dull to write about, it’s me who’s stopped paying attention.
Everything seems to have reached saturation. Family, friends, school, work, feel like everything is in its place. (or it's all out of my control so i've just given up =.=) And all of a sudden, I stopped worrying, stopped caring about the world, stopped wondering who I am…
Ah I was too comfortable.
Or… in a rut =.=
So from today onwards, I promise I’ll be up on my feet again. And I’ll keep updating this long-deserted blog, just for the ones who care enough to keep reading. For this and for so many other things, I thank you all.
On this day of love, I promise.

lazy me

2008-02-03T18:09:00.001+08:00

so i've been told over n over n over again...
"u haven't updated ur blog since last year"
yes yes yes... here i am!!

well a late happy new year =.= (heh it's feb...)
anyway, lately i'm just busy with grad job hunting n cleaning up the apartment for cny @@
nothing special le seriously...
o but i am celebrating my 1yr anniversary at lvmh in a few weeks~ it's been a year! can't believe i lasted for an entire year...
right now i'm thinking hard on what else to write =.=
well... kung hei fat choi i guess~ @@

one of my days

2007-10-08T16:11:00.001+08:00

so this morning i was heading to the office n saw this book by Alain de Botton, the title caught my eyes - "The Art of Travel" - oo LV's core values campaign LOL
duno all of them but i managed to recognize Mikhail Gorbachev (i later found out it was shot right outside the Berlin Wall @@), and Al Gore who basicaaly co-op this campaign with LV to support his "The Climate Project"~ what a great cause. i now understand why my boss would wana print them out in huge posters for personal use LOL
enough of work~ finally got to watch "Se, Jie" with my frds the other night, super exhausted having to rush back home before midnight (just so happened the water's cut at 12 that night lol) but it's worth it. thx my cousin for a very insightful comment about how great the movie protraits the differences btw men n women, so true so true...
duno why but many of my dear friends seem to be rather depressed lately... sorry if i wasn't there for you at that moment >< but i've always got ur back ok? have faith**
a big kiss for u all MUAH~~~~**

peace!

2007-10-03T09:05:00.004+08:00

so last night i slept for like 4 hours... (which may not sound that bad but for me it's WAY too few)n at the bliss of 7:30am on a not-so-packed mtr, i managed to read the standard to keep me awake.
3 oct, the "Day of German Unity", the national day of Germany. didn't know that till i flipped thru the news, suddenly felt all festive n wished i could go see Goethe-Institut's MAX!~ lol
i used to not have strong feelings for Germany but now i'm reminded of the fact that the people of Germany themselves, by a peaceful revolution, brought unification of a country divided for 40 yrs, hats down~!
today's note: peace~~~ ^o^

i hate brand analysis!

2007-09-24T14:36:00.001+08:00

yep... at work again @@
now working on my 3rd brand analysis -- Dior HK. it's just scary how much info n numbers there are, n how to decide which bit's relevant, which's not, n how to present this whole chuck of tables n charts in an "understandable-manner".
there's no deadline or anything but it's just scary lol.
lately i've noticed there're tv ads for Parfum Christian Dior on pearl, LV's core value campaign's in every print media u may flip through, n i heard gucci would debut on tv some time soon in europe as well, just a matter of time till it spreads to AP... sept's really a busy month =.=
school's suffocating but still managable given the assignments n presentations are still on their way so they haven't flooded me yet... in a few weeks time i'll prob be dead.
my dad's stopped telling me to take things slow, after i told him it's never too early to start. so here i come F/W 2007 LOL.

tour ancient egypt in hong kong!

2007-09-09T12:31:00.001+08:00

the british museum's coming to hk~! well just some of the artifacts but given britain's way too far i'm super excited when i read about it ^o^
can't wait to really see all the sculptures and paintings, time to brush up my ancient eyptian history before visiting lol
god knows how long i haven't touched all those stuff. how did i just put it all down? yea... it's very weird @@
well anyway, i'm gona squeeze time out to go this month!! n hopefully i can rearrange my schedule to actually attend one of those lectures... will be so much fun!!!
come join me at the museum of art~~*
http://www.lcsd.gov.hk/CE/Museum/Arts/english/exhibitions/eexhibitions_s_20070701_2.html

back to school? back to work!

2007-09-03T11:07:00.001+08:00

the start of a new semester.
my phone buzzed just when i was racing with 10 million ppl from hong kong to central mtr station: "happy 1st day back to school"
how thoughtful.
thx viv~ in spite of the fact that i was on my way to work like a chump n my semester doesn't start till tmr @@
suddenly i felt like i was left out.
everyone's leaving their summer jobs n returning back to school *jealous*
but i'm still happy to get out of the house, get a little space from all the tension.
changing subject, the 1st MasterCard Luxury Week HK finally started last friday, so excited (even thought i'm not invited n not volunteering ><). fall designers from a bunch of US brands and The Swank, which will feature pieces from Roberto Cavalli, Kenzo (!!!), Christian Lacroix and Givenchy (!)
for some reasons my colleagues are not so fond of kenzo as a fashion brand... ar well~ i think it's poetic~ not to mention its fragrances~~ *v*

ps. if u're curious: www.kenzo.com

farewell msn!

2007-08-06T14:55:00.001+08:00

sobz sobz sobz sobz sobz
why~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ why god why~~~~~~
my dear friends,
you may no longer see me online... @@
msn is officially prohibited at my office... ><
aarrrrrgggghhhhh it isn't supposed to happen till october!!
stupid IT dept says they've discovered a msn virus that could spread within the company system n now all msn applications have to be uninstalled =.=
yea right... whatever...
fine... i'll just not msn at work... (SOBZ!)

thank you boss!

2007-07-26T16:42:00.001+08:00

lately i've been whinning a lot... just ask manda (sorry about that)
but i guess it's time to stop bitching about all the "not-so-fortunate". today i found a new perspective at work, thx to my super nice boss~~ ^^
turns out i'll prob have this PT job till i graduate, it's just they won't have an opening for a fresh grad. as we were talking about what areas i'm interested in n how she thinks i'm doing at work, she said,

"i think u have very low confidence."
hmm... maybe.
"do you know what you want to be in 10 years?"
err... not really...
"any pressure from ur family?"
ah-ha, quite a lot lol
"u have almost everything anyone needs, u're just missing 1 thing - i dun see any goals, any passion in ur eyes."
umum... maybe... @@ (ok u're too perceptive it's starting to scare me...)

omg i can't believe she's so insightful.
yes i duno what i can do, i duno what i'm capable of and what i'm not.
yes i duno what i want to be, everything's blurry when i look into the coming 10 years.
but today i realize, i should just go for it. however stupid my goal is, or however impossible it may be, i should just try before i snap n say i'm not gd enough.
nothing's prepared for us, i see that now.
that's what working's all about, that's why ppl spend days after days after days working.
putting me here at lvmh opens a lot of doors, to media, to advertising, to pr, to fashion, n it took me 5 whole months to figure out i shouldn't just see it as a PT job. (how stupid can i get... @@)
if i can keep believing in that, life's prob not that bad.

live your life like this!

2007-07-11T15:54:00.001+08:00

"feelings of overworked, exhausted last for a day; it's what you've accomplished that lasts for life."
read this tagline in a magazine today, i was like "wooooo..." n it's now stuck in my head.
so true... we always hear ppl saying "live every day to the fullest", just how "full" is "the fullest"?
i used to think there's limit for everything. but now it's like, maybe we're just afraid of overworking, pushing ourselves over the edge, or maybe we're just lazy.
whatever our goal is, don't be afraid to go for it like nothing can stand in our way.
a bit too confident...? o well, we prob won't fight for stuff we want like we do now when we're 25+ lol
it's what you've accomplished that lasts for life.
so why not?

goodbye my... love?

2007-06-30T19:20:00.002+08:00

what a classic scorpio does when she lost her way in love:
drown herself in expressive music when all the lights go off, give up n let all the sorrows overflow, let tears creep into her eyes.
when the sight's blurred, when she looks into the distance, when she pictures infinity, whose face is it that she sees?
-----
-----
she wishes she could see a face.
she wishes she could hear a voice.
she wishes she could reach out n feel someone by her side.
-----
-----
all the time wasted missing, all the sadness buried somewhere deep down.
everything tells her to forget.
everything.

ways to get over it for scorpios:
"it's just been 3 months", try not to count the 10 years of thinking about him, hoping to bump into him wherever she goes.
"stop imagining", try not to guess what would have happened.
"soulmates don't exist", people can't be destined to be together.
on a random day,
she would wake up on a bus n suddenly realize,
it's over.
and finally, be alive again.

the new LV boy

2007-06-08T14:21:00.001+08:00

"ppl say only 30% of what they really want to say."
what a sad figure. what happens to the other 70%? do we just swallow our feelings,
bury our emotions, take a deep breathe, roll our eyes, n let what we wanted to say be forgotten?
today at lunch i met this summer intern. LV wallet, LV cuff links, LV tie, permenant member of volar... okok, so there're scary ppl of our age too @@"
he talks about luxury brands, designers, models, celebrities like ppl he sees every day. he flips to the entertainment section whenever he gets the newspaper, n he reads jessica lol. note to self: ppl can be very different~
i kinda want to strangle him n tell him to do some charity work, care about something other then luxury n for godsake read the newspaper frontpage LOL
obviously, that was the 70% i didn't say out loud. the 30% of me just smiled n nodded along...
"dun judge him yet, dun judge just yet..." keep reminding myself over and over again at lunch just so i won't lose my mind listening to him bragging about which celebrities he's met.
... first time i met such a guy, pretty different isn't it...
welcome to the dollhouse.

the art of travel

2007-06-04T21:02:00.003+08:00

phew~ my first entry in 3-month time~
ok no crap on why i didn't update my blog before but just to share what i'm up to these days... @@"
summer's started n i just got back from a short trip from shanghai with some UST friends~ a bit short but fun n "relaxing" (at some point??"") haven't been to china for a while (omg the last time was like 5 years ago going to the northeast lol) n this time it does again remind me of how great it is that i'm a honkie, not a mainlander, no offense~
the view's great though, so peaceful n calm n exotic, really makes you wonder just how big this world is. everyone could be so different n yet facing so similar stuff. thx janice viv yvonne chris n alex for lighting me up, god knows how dreadful it's been over the past few months. nothing seems to be untangled but it's great to just let it all out.
miss manda a whole lot~ trip to US last summer with her was just too "reflective" (?) n (what's the word...?) "meditative"? lol (i'm lost too) n fun, of course...
anyway, travelling really does something to u. makes your mind wonder to somewhere you've never been, takes your heart to places you've never imagined. or at the very least, opens your eyes to this lovely world.
"this world deserves to know you. don't settle for comfortable."

a fancy dinner party... why not?

2007-03-28T10:34:00.002+08:00

a super busy semester
just when i was about to start running away, a line from one of those crappy horoscope in the daily papers pop into my head "u chose a challenging path, don't worry, it'll all pay off"
right... hopefully...
sadly, it's true. it's not like i didn't make these choices, it's not like the job's forced on me. honestly it's not bad. i have legitimate reasons to read all types of magazines from anywhere in asia pacific, research on all the luxury brands you can name, going to exclusive staff sales of brands that are way too expensive for me (even after a 70% discount lol)...
whatever we do, just owe up to it.
time to try socializing with ppl older n wiser n richer than me lol. tonight's the very luxurious annual staff party of LVMH. hope i'm wearing the right clothes.

choosing... such a pain

2007-02-13T00:51:00.003+08:00

just how do you make a choice? all these decision models, judgement processes... how do you make up your mind when you don't realize what you want?
sometimes i feel like i'm constantly digging traps for myself, hole the ground for me to fall into. leaving issues unattended hoping somehow over time i would be forced to decide or it would just fade away as if it was never important. ppl keep telling me things i already knew. the more i listen, the more i hesitate. whatever reason it is, whatever arguement one may bring up, how can i be swayed so easily?
seems like nobody could ever understand just how much i need to sort things out. i would hate myself if i somehow make a decision that i regret. trying to balance everything objectively is really wearing me out. everyone seems to think it's an opportunity that u can't miss.
the next time, no more advice. no more questions. no more calling ppl up just so i could be more stressed. no more crap from anyone. i'd go with my instinct. whatever comes, it'll be me who take it.

goodbye kisses

2007-01-27T20:57:00.003+08:00

27th jan 2007, i officially resigned from the little gym. after 1 yr, just feel kinda weird not having to go to work on the weekends lol. i'm so going to miss everyone, a big thank you to all of them for putting up with me~ i think they've gotten into me more than i thought so... @@
what would i do without all of sweet hugs and kisses from kids? all the laughter and joy we share in that few hours... sobz sobz
well well the end of a job is the start of another one. lvmh is an exciting place to work at and finally i get in to working in marketing (well media but similar enough). here i come the luxury business world, hope i'd fit in lol
i thought of you today. suddenly. out of nowhere. for a little while. it's painful. very painful. where is our goodbye kiss?

happy new year!

2007-01-01T21:54:00.001+08:00

say bye to all the bad luck in 2006, we all get a fresh start.
first day of this year, doesn't really feel like the start of a year though, feels like it's another random day.
had a not-so-early breakfast with flossie (not to mention u're late yet again ><), n went to watch NANA2 with janice n manda. seriously didn't realize there's a "premier", thx janice! ^^
so... i know what i said but it looks like i'm gona go for the exchange.hopefully i can come up with the money myself. right now the only problem is where to go... france or japan? everyone's telling me france's better, not to mention i don't speak a word of jap. at least i know how to order food n ask where the toilet is in french... lol
it's just... france's so far away...
maybe i really should flip a coin.

christmas times

2006-12-27T02:09:00.002+08:00

i'm having a hard time sleeping these days... duno why but i'm just always bright awake~ last night thx janice for letting us trample her house, i think we all had a great christmas~ just can't believe manda's leaving in like 10 days... >< omg i'm going to miss you so much!!! (o btw, it is $3388!! 100% positive!!**)
well thank god i'm finally getting a new cell, i just have to be prepared to "not-spend-that-much" in the coming month...
it's always funny this time of the year, everyone's suddenly all warm n fussy... not that it's a bad thing, but it's just funny @@
so one of my best friends' back from melb, it's only been 2 weeks n she's already getting bored. i feel kinda bad not entertaining her more, but hey, all i can say is... shopping's all u do in hk~ lol
i wish i could go away for a while too, but ever since my dad said "we could squeeze some $ for u to go", i've given up on the whole exchange thing. i just can't do that to them, it's time i think more than myself.

i can't help... ><

2006-12-21T23:15:00.002+08:00

i feel so bad. here i stupidly think i'm doing ok for my life, covering my own expenses, getting at least an average grade, there my parents say i'm not supportive enough for my dad's biz. just what do they want from a 2nd year?
god knows just how bad i suck at saying what i think.
i wish i could just tell them how uncomfortable i am giving advise that may not work, how scared i am of failing what they expect from me, how unsure i am on my own ability to turn this biz around...
i'm not that bright. when everyone around me thinks i'm gd n smart n hard-working, it just makes me even more stressed than i already am, even more scared to fail, even more scared to tell ppl who i really am.
it doesn't make anything any better.
i feel like i'm drifting away, for better or for worse, i don't know what to say facing them.

get well soon! to me

2006-12-13T16:39:00.001+08:00

so this painful semester's finally ended, with a bang of 3 exams in 2 days, leaving me seriously sick for almost a week, n now i'm still blowing my nose.
given i have to be contained from spreading germs around, i've literally stayed in the house for almost 4 days. not much food, not much sleep, loooooots of tissue buns lol.
great news is, last night i slept for a total of 12 hrs (i noe... ><) n i think i'm lightening up. plus, my dear dear friend's coming back from melb tmr so i'm dying to see her.
actually i planned to head out this morning to get some work done, but the rain's really ruined my day.
13 dec, christmas's at the corner (yet again). seems like this christmas would be just like last year's... except so much's happened over the past 12 months, so many ppl have come and gone, so many thoughts n so many wishes...
for this very long vacation, what do u expect?

wear heels much?

2006-12-01T20:28:00.002+08:00

started wearing heels last week (a bit too late but still...) n it's not that bad~ duno why i thought it's so painful before. they say if u wear them often enough, u won't feel ur feet anymore. lol not so much an accomplishment i'm hoping for, but really, every time i get home after 1 day of running around in heels(that's a bit of a stretch... no running no running), every time i take those off n put my feet flat on the ground, it feels kinda cool...~
i was reading an article on the westrail today on my way home, saying how ppl nowadays stop paying attention to anything around them, like wearing too much heels, ppl can't feel a thing around them.
in this world where we're all born n raise, in this scary world where our mums told us never talk to strangers, in this busy world where we work all our lives to get ahead... do you still know how u're feeling? or is everything just slipping through your fingers?
today's resolution: be honest!

arrggh web research...

2006-11-24T20:59:00.001+08:00

my bad: tempted by that bag of chestnuts on the table, ate a whole bunch at around 7pm (which is ok coz dinner's always at around 10), n now i feel like i could throw up.
n thx for a mosquito, i'm seriously sleep deprived. how it got in the apartment remains an unsolved mystery: windows are sealed with "nets" n we always close the door...
whatever, today's just not a gd day.
i'm stuck with my research again, having absolutely no idea whatsoever on how i should start. it's like it's constantly reminding me just how much i'm not capable for. looks like i gave myself too much credit.
here goes another day i wasted, what have i done?
o yea... "took a break"
seems like nothing on this earth would ever cheer me up atm, i could just kill anything that comes in my way.
tmr's work day. quit, not quit.
life sucks. i dun need u reminding me.

the big question(s)?

2006-11-17T23:17:00.001+08:00

today's one of those days when u realize there's too much to do, it's just impossible. even if i have the time, i don't have the courage to step up n do it. why is it so hard to find something u really enjoy? something that u actually can devote to? why is it so hard to take up the responsibility? why is the job so big that no matter how hard u work, it's still too big? what happens if u work day after day after day n it still doesn't work out? a little bit here, a little bit there, move as u want or stick it through till u see the silver lining? too stubborn or too tough? being responsible or being spontaneous? why am i always too slow for the world? how do things change in just a split second? how do u take back what u've said? how do u reach out n take the 1st step? how do u say u disagree when u're not in the position? how do u choose when u duno what u want?

what do u do?

a bad job?

2006-11-15T22:54:00.001+08:00

it's been rather stressful for me lately. this coming friday i'm going to have my first presentation in a business setting... >< a big step n a looooooot of pressure... i put together a ppt with like 80 slides n i don't have que cards (well i just think it's too weird reading off cards... ) hopefully i won't make a huge fool of myself~
bumped into a friend from disney last week in tuen mun (lol), turns out she lives in the same building as i do... (LOL!!) it's really exciting for me to see ppl from last summer, seems like years ago since they were my great friends...
have been thinking a lot about quiting my oldest job - that party instructor one - it's taking up all my weekends!! which was not a problem before but now with all the other work that's packing my weekdays, i really need the break. the sad thing is, i really like my colleagues... well all except 1~! i dun even know how i'd go about it... here for sure, my dad would say: 'it's just a pt job, just quit if u want to... do what u want when u still have the chance blah blah blah...'
yea right... will try... =.=

thank you!

2006-11-03T22:31:00.000+08:00

happy birthday to me~~~ ^^
it was 30% stressing n 70% exciting for me to turn 20, but thx for everyone it's now 10% to 90% lol
well to celebrate this big day, i've decided not to work at all tonight! wahahaha
it's going to sound really lame but i have to express my gratitude to everyone who rmb my bday... thx for all the surprises, the smssssss, the cake, the lunch, the dinner, the gifts, the emails, the ecards, the msg... (i think i've got them all)
thank you guys, you've really made my day, love you lotzzzzzzzzzzzz

workaholic? no no...

2006-10-25T22:53:00.002+08:00

omg i did it~! today wasn't bad at all, in fact, it's kinda fulfilling... lol
well this is like the quickest reply i've ever got, but i got the job! well they say i can mostly work from home so that's a great news... (it's cyberport!) but the tasks they assigned to me sound a bit too complex... i'm just not sure if i can really do it, given i haven't had any practical marketing research experience. it's just... it's something i want to be gd at, n something i really don't wana fail. well... hopefully they'll give me a chance to understand more about what they want from me n what i'm supposed to do...
hmm if it actually works out, i'm gona have 3 part-times... lol sounds kinda too much but i really wana do more while i have the push to do so... who knows maybe in a few weeks the fire would die out n i'll be stuck with 3 @&*#^ PTs that i can't get out of (touch wood...)
there's so much out there that i don't know about, n so much that i can't learn from lectures. here's a little advice for my little friend who thinks going to school's stupid: it takes street smarts to succeed, but the truth is, there're millions of ppl out there who are both educated n experienced. so quit acting like a prof n see just how small we all are. before u realize that, i don't see a brighter future for you than any other of us.

part-timeSSS

2006-10-21T23:43:00.001+08:00

really really sleepy atm... ><
but i'll be really busy next week so i'm trying to do as much as i can right now... next wed i'm having a job interview, which i've been looking forward to but at the same time really scared of, it sounds really serious. this guy, who's prob one of the owners of the biz sent me emails about what i should be preparing for the interview... stuff like internet sharing, general fashion trends, being proactive n creative... hmm i think it's actually the first time i'm this worked up for an interview... lol
well honestly the job sounds ok... but if i get it, i prob will literally die... >< not to mention it's far far away @ cyperport (LOL), i just found out i've got another part time (which won't take me a lot of time coz it's just mystery shopping lol), n this party instructor thing which i don't think i will get out of any time soon... hmm... maybe it is too much...
ah well, it's always too soon to tell. i'm really not sure if i'm capable for the position i'm interviewing for next wed =__= but... wish me luck!~

i'm sad

2006-10-14T01:10:00.001+08:00

i can't believe i'll have to wake up for lecture in 5 hrs time and i'm still up writing an entry.
let's just say today's one of the worst days. black friday huh...? i'd try to stay positive when i say this, but it hurts really bad. and it's really sad realizing just how much one could give in for a little more cash.
it's the first time in life i'm ready to cut off a friend, well at least as i can recall. for a moment when they were firing questions at me about what the hell i'm doing with my life, i had my doubts, just for a split second. then i realize, these ppl talk for hrs and hrs and hrs, these ppl try so hard to get u to believe in them... they're desperately ruthless.
and it's just sad to see me doubting my beliefs coz of them, and it's even sadder to realize it's caused by one of my oldest friends.
all i could think about this whole afternoon was... if only i could turn back time. if only i could, not trust her and stay at home. if only i could forget how insulted i felt. if only i could pretend i didn't cry for this stupid thing. i guess that's why i'm still awake, exhausted, but still awake.

looking back (shocked!)

2006-10-08T15:02:00.001+08:00

a few days ago i was cleaning out my room, found stuff that i don't even rmb having, found memories that are years away from now, found my diary kept at melb from 3 yrs ago. it came as quite a shock to me when i read all the entries again: omg my chinese was once THAT good? =__=
it's funny how i was bothered back then as well, only by different issues; issues that i still haven't fiured out, that i now think it's not as important compared to what bothering me at this moment. i wish i could rmb more, more of what had happened, more of how i've felt, more of everything of this world.
the other night i was talking to my friend, when i was telling her all about her issues, i couldn't help but pity myself. don't i have the same problem?
the worst thing is that sooooo much's happening every single day... if only it could stop for 1 day, maybe i could still catch up ><

add oil~

2006-09-27T08:33:00.000+08:00

according to the ppl around me, that's the phrase i use the most. yea... i do say that a lot, to friends who are heading for a test, to friends who are facing personal issues, to friends who don't know what to do... isn't it weird?
every now and then i figure, there're soooooooo many unpleasant things in this world, n there're soooooo many challenges that we have to face, HAVE TO. there's no way around it, n all we can do is keep motivating ourselves... n i just wish if i could, on some level, motivate those i care about as well.

too much to do, too little time

2006-09-11T22:31:00.000+08:00

there's so much i want to do starting this semester: actually catch up on all my lectures (well except language maybe), finish my scrapbook for summer 2006 at disney, pick up my french again, spend more time with my parents n friends...
but, it's just the 2nd week, i feel like i'm losing track already =__= school work's already starting to pile up and soon enough, i'll be buried under all the essays and presentations. i really want to make it work though, want to prove to myself that i made the right choice.
constantly, i feel like i'm gona let my parent down, or let myself down... i'm so blessed and they've given me so much that i wish i could, not only achieve what i want, achieve what they've once hoped for as well. but every now and then i feel like they're so much different from me. it's like the more they give, the more i get, the more we drift apart. or hopefully, it's just me being silly and paranoid.
ah well... enough of that. i guess at some point we just have to stop thinking and take it as it comes. it has to work out.

back to work

2006-09-08T23:31:00.000+08:00

so, my 1st week back to UST's over. i guess it wasn't that bad, except i'm underloading and i'm starting to get sick of lectures (already...)
n this weekend i'll have to start working again... i don't even know if i'm happy about it, not to mention all my previous co-workers are gone, i just don't know if i'm ready for that yet. for the past week i feel like i'm still "not here"... but then again, it'll be better if i could start making $ again. sometimes i wonder if i should get another part time, if it's time to move on from this job. it seems to me that i'm sticking to it just for the cash. after all this time i can't even figure out if i really like this job... let's just say i don't think my future career would involve kids, or at least they won't be the centre of it. so i've been thinking about leaving but unfortunately i haven't had much luck plus i'm starting to run out of money... (stupid me of giving all my summer earnings to my mum =__=)
my life in hk's getting back together, bit by bit, but it seems it hasn't changed much after those 3 months.... which honestly, is a bit disappointing.

not ready yet >
2006-09-05T06:18:00.000+08:00
ok there goes my first day of this semester. let's just say i'm totally lost~ lol
i managed to get everything together and go to lectures on time and stuff, but at some level i just don't know what i'm doing. it's like i'm dreaming all day long. i guess maybe i'm still in holiday mood, and seriously sleep deprived, that's why. last night i literally passed out at around 11:30pm and suddenly woke up at 4:30am... =__= and couldn't get back to sleep ever since! i have a feeling i'll be falling asleep today at one of the lectures.
it's kinda sad to actually say this but UST seems a bit strange to me, it's like i don't know the place. somehow i feel like i should be going to work @ disney LOL
oo n i've uploaded a few pics from my trip online: photos.yahoo.com.hk/eri_ca86
they're just 1% of my whole photo collection lol... i didn't really picked out the best ones coz there're too many of them n i just can't be bothered... so yea... i'd really love to show them all to you and tell you all about each and every one of the pics coz they're all snapshots of what i've been through this summer, and this experience is one of a lifetime for me. so if you have a couple of hours free (LOL) let me know.
okay now... i'd better get some coffee or i won't be able to hold up all day.

i'm back!

2006-09-03T05:12:00.002+08:00

after a 3-month of UNforgettable disney experience, i'm finally back to hk!!
sorry for not posting anything for like a month but the place i stayed at in LA happened to have no internet connection at all... lol
hmm ok so much has happened during my stay in florida n in california that i don't even know how to start. the fact is i've written down everything on my laptop (only i didn't have a chance to post them) but now i don't think posting a 77KB word document's a good way to go... (yea i know... 77 KB... lol)
so... i'm just gona do a quick review of what's happened btw 23 Jul to now... (pls bear with me...)
basically in aug i was deployed to Adventureland n pirate of the caribbean (a place where i have to work outdoor under the hot hot sun... =__=) for 2 weeks, apparently emporium's just too filled up with full-time old staff n seasonal new comers. it was a bit of hard at the start but i guess it was ok afterwards. ppl at adventureland are really nice n they're much younger than ppl at emporium. so i got to play with them whenever i'm free (which is always given it's not as busy). we got to sword fight (it's a pirate store!) and actually chat with the guests~~
on my last week of the program they finally put me back to where i belong: main street USA!! it was very different coz all the ICP/CPs i know were gone (went back home/to school)... honestly, i never thought i fit in well at the emporium, but on my last day i really did feel a lost when i was walking the long tunnel back to the bus stop for one last time. it was tough work, almost demeaning at some point, but i feel like it was one of those life-changing periods. i guess i had more time doing nothing (given there were no internet and no TV) n think about what i'm really doing. being away from my family n my normal life really hits me in the head that i have to keep moving. everything's still fluppy for me but it's much clearer than before. it's complicated how to put it in words but i guess all i want to say is that i'm really grateful that i got through these 3 months n i don't regret at all.
ok so... if you still feel like reading i could go on and on. right now it's 5:30am n i'm suffering serious jetlag (now should be 9pm for me so i'm more than awake).
anyway, let's move on to some happy stuff: my trip to LA!!~ it started off with a bit of a bump coz when i was carrying my super heavy luggages it was pouring rain n i was soaked from head to toe, n inside out! n my flight got delayed for an hour coz of the storm... but the couple i stayed with (it was a family friend who i've never met lol) was super nice, n their house's super nice too~ given that we can't drive, we couldn't go anywhere in LA... so they were driving us all around LA whenever they have time off work. they took us to hollywood, chinese theatre, chinatown, sunset avenue, old town, castaway for a night view.... n lots of nice places to eat. i had the best burger n fries i've ever had, the best soup n salad buffet, n sooooo much more~
i know it's getting awfully long but i have to tell you guys about my bus tour to grand canyon n las vegas. it was SUPERB~ the grand canyon's nothing like i've ever seen, it was the most spectacular view ever! n las vegas is great too, a non-sleeping city with all the fun n glamour...
ok... so i've taken like over 2000 pics which obviously i can't put everything online but for everyone who cares enough to read my blog, u really should go away once in a while, just to sort things out a bit, see how big just this world is, n how silly we all are~ lol have fun!

a week in working hell

2006-07-24T00:53:00.001+08:00

here comes the beginning of the worst week of this program:
working at a brand new place where i don't even know where to put my food, working 15-hour days...
it's dreadful whenever i think about how bad these 7 days will be. actually it's the first 3 days i'd say. after tuesday it'll be all better...
july's finally coming to an end, fortunately, i'm still surviving.
most of my programmates are leaving disney for a few days for miami n key west, or even pruto rico (i hope my spelling's correct) i guess i wanted to go, but it's just i'm not earning much...
aargghh... caribbean coast...!! i guess i'll have to wait till they come back n look at the pics... =__=
oh well, i'll wait till the end of the program!~
i know a few days later i'll be looking back n be proud of myself again for pulling off such a week, but it's just the feeling of these challenges lying ahead of me's awfully unsettling. i know i'm lucky compared to some other of my coworkers who got deployed to strollers... yea ok...
so anyway, offically, there's only 4 more weeks to go~~!! 1 month left only!!

main street east

2006-07-16T23:41:00.001+08:00

duno if i've mentioned it before but here at orlando, i work in the main street west of the majic kingdom, which is like the biggest store in the park. the emporium (that's the name of the store btw) is the busiest place in the whole place, and i've been loving it coz then i don't have time to watch the clock every minute. but then, apparently they're having so many new trainees for the place that, they don't really need me there anymore. so guess what, next week, for the entire week, i've been transferred to main street east~
=__= for some ppl, that's great news. coz it's not as busy and you get to hang around. but for me, it's tragic! i've never even been to main street east. so call me ignorant but main street east is like a whole new place for me. n i don't know where everything is, i don't even know where to clock in for my shifts. =___=
ah well, as olivia said, this job's getting boring. may as well go to a new place n learn some new stuff. (although there's nothing much important to learn anyway)
i guess when you're put in a new surroundings, you'll be more alert, more motivated to do better. may be that is what i need now.

animal kingdom

2006-07-06T10:52:00.000+08:00

today's my day off (which is very rare given i usually add 6 hrs shift on day offs), n we went to one of the disney theme parks here at orlando - animal kingdom
as suggested by the name, this park's basically a jungle, a safari. there's africa, asia n this "dinoland". so it's a mix of everything. i have to say i love africa the most. the safari trip was just awesome. not only i got to sit on a 4 wheeler, i actually felt like i was in africa. i have to say disney did a great job hallucinating ppl... =__=
i loved the dinosaur ride, it was dark n exciting, with dinosaurs appearing right next to u out of nowhere, roaring right to your face... loved the festival of lion king show, it's cheerful, romantic, passionate, it's everything i could ask for in a entertainment show.
i know i must have missed like a thousand fantastic details of the day but all i can say is today's one of the best days here at orlando. n tmr i get to go to another theme park - epcot. (well just for the morning coz i work night shifts tmr) sounds a lot fun huh? well, listen to this, i work 15 hrs the day after that... =__= yea that's right, 15 hrs... LOL
well let's just say it's gota be a record. keeping my fingers cross that i'll survive the day!

end of the 3rd week

2006-06-23T22:45:00.001+08:00

it's the end of the 3rd week of my stay here at orlando. i counted today, i still have around 64 days to go. n after that, i'll be in sunny california~~~~
well it's sunny here too but just... i can't really enjoy that having to work almost 50 hrs a week (yea... they only pre-reg me for 40 but i need the cash real bad), n having to stay with 4 other not-so-tidy girls in a treehouse... =___=
if only you know me, you'll know how scared i am with bugs. seriously i've improved so much after i got here. but it is really super annoying having to clean up the entire house all by myself when i'm working 50 hrs already.
i bugged them, nagged them, still there's no action. so now every week i have to go all the way to the front desk to get a vacuum cleaner (which is only 5 mins walk but with that *&^@# heavy cleaner it feels like 30 mins)!!
i don't even know how will i live with them for 64 more days... it's killing me n now i really really appreciate what my parents have done to keep my apartment clean.

finally a post...

2006-06-22T23:07:00.000+08:00

1st post after arriving here at orlando... =__=
sorry about the delay but i really don't have the time/the chance...
anyway, just a quick review, i basically live in a treehouse in a jungle with 4 other ust girls, well, they're all pretty gross (no offense)
i work at the busiest store at walt disney world n it's actually kinda fun... i guess it's true that you duno what's fun until it's over.
anyway, i'll try to enjoy these 3 months n make the best out of it...

bday bash...

2006-05-27T17:24:00.001+08:00

wawa... seriously some posts are lost!! i didn't know until stef told me about it... (err~~)
ah well...
today's the 5th birthday bash for connie's little princess. she got all of us working on the decorations/catering/game hosting/magic (yes... she wants johnny to do magic... *O*)
n i was only responsible for part of the decorations~ mandy n i worked till 1030pm, n i'm invited to the party as a *GUEST*! =__=... i'm supposed to get paid for going to parties...
last night mandy n i worked till 11pm (wahahahaha... got quite a lot of overtime~~ lol) first time we actually got to sit down n talk... turns out she's really cool~ n way younger (as in WAY WAY WAY younger) than i've had EVER imagined... (100% shocked!!)

exams 4eva....

2006-03-12T23:09:00.000+08:00

u know it's really true what ppl say, u gota take exams for all ur life...
how sad~ sad, but deadly true... =__=
not only u have to take them at school, take them outside school, take them at work, take them in ur personal life... seems like all ur life u're having to prove urself to others. all u have to do is to work hard n hopefully get pass all these exams, important ones, not so important ones...
it seems to me that if the exam actually gives u a score, that's a peanut... if it doesn't, that's something worth worrying for... every now n then u get accessed, u get graded, u get criticised. n as motivating as it can be, given that u don't take it too personally or too negatively, i just dun see why... i admire ppl who can forget about all the exams n do whatever they want, i admire ppl who don't give a damn of what others may think, i admire ppl who can just act on their thoughts.
unfortunately, i'm not one of those ppl. n i never will be.
this could be a gd thing u know... only 1 problem though, i'm not adding oil coz i'm responsible, i'm doing so coz i can't lose.

spring's here~!

2006-03-05T09:06:00.000+08:00

*oops*... didn't realize i haven't posted a thing for almost a month... lol
that's coz i have too much going on in feb, and i'm guessing, even more in march. *cough*
disney interview's in a week, i just got a job as "birthday instructor" in the Little Gym XD! sounds a lot fun! i'll be hosting bday parties n stuff for rich kids... lol but then, every job i get sounds fun at the beginning...~
oh well~ if i can stick to it, great~ if i can't... i guess i'm sticking to it no matter what, given that now i'm so desperate for $$...
my mum just told me 3 mins ago that i shouldn't push myself too hard... she was like... "o u're still a kid, dun worry about $$, u're our responsibility, just ask if you need some cash..."
*sobz* they're like the best parents in the world (at that moment)... i know all that, just feeling a bit off if i go to florida with their $$. i wish i can do better u know... i understand there's absolutely no pressure on me to earn anything, but it just feels so gd if i can just spend what i earn...
anyway, midterm's halfway through, and i have a week break of no midterm~ wahaha (only assignments and reports due and stuff =__=) it's offly cold these days, doesn't feel like spring's here... lol

"depression"...?

2006-01-21T22:32:00.001+08:00

hmm... what's the symtoms of clinical depression? what's the cause of depression? why would someone got stuck in their problems and sadness and just keep dwelling in it?
it's scary... when something like this happen to someone you really care about, and there's just absolutely nothing you can do about it... frustrated!! how sad, how sick of not being able to do anything...

lessons here and there

2006-01-19T00:05:00.001+08:00

guess what, my stupidity keeps haunting me these days, seems like there's just absolutely no way for me to act like a normal person. i could make up a list of all the stupid stuff that i did since the start of 2006 and the list will go on and on and on and on...
ok... so it kicked off with a rather bumpy start... and it's just depressing whenever i think of the old saying: the way you spend your first day of the year is the way how you'll spend the whole year... well i literally "beg to differ"... =__=
it's not all bad... i just hope these lessons are harsh enough so i won't repeat them ever again...
a few days before, at aseminar... it said all of us have a tendency of "wanting to tell others about ourselves"... what's up with telling everyone about your psych test results...? it's coz we're all too complicated to be understood by others in daily life...? and yet we don't want to be left high and dry, so we gota find a way to let them in? or are we all too desperate to tell ppl about our true-selves? how contradictive... if you want others to see the real you, just show it right? what's with all the mysteries and hidden thoughts in the "real life", then suddenly all the honesty on the internet...? why not just... cut it out and save everyone some time guessing?
hmm... i'll have to ask a shrink about that

stupidity

2006-01-13T20:30:00.001+08:00

okay... duno why but i'm getting lazier and lazier in holidays... ^^
well don't be too jealous my non-ust friends~ wahahahaha
actually i've been feeling a bit resentful lately. just then i got this call from my mentor, asking me about how the internship interview went. the thing is, i didn't have an interview, and i certainly didn't receive any phone calls about it... well, not because my application essay wasn't gd enough, but because i wrote a wrong phone number! *&@#^&^%!
how stupid can i be to write a wrong contact number! omg, i really wana bang my head against the table and twist my fingers!!!!!!!
how stupid am i.

kill me now

2005-12-15T15:40:00.000+08:00

dreadful finals, 2 down, 3 to go. sounds pretty good yea... the sad thing is, the 3 left are stuffed within 2 days, both starting at 830 AM, which means i'll have to wake up at 6 again... =__=
how the hell am i going to pull off 3 exams in 2 days...? well yea i have 4 whole days to prepare for them... but it's just... they're the 3 subjects that i suck most... ismt, elec and bisc...!
i don't even know which one to revise first or which one i should spend more time on (well that's kinda wrong... i'm definitely going to work my ass off for ismt before anything, but still...)
i can't even think about that right now... just found out my family, as in the extended family, kinda sucks... we have all these dead serious problems going on for years that i don't even have a clue of~ heh... oh well... all i can do is listen once in a while...
weren't we once all dreaming of leaving this tiny little place, get out there and see? as appealing as that sounds, the thing is the bigger your world gets, the bigger your problems get too. the more you find out, the more you wish you didn't know. (well unless it has nothing to do with you, then it'll be just a nice gossip)
=__= what a load of crap... better go add oil!!

Productivity: 0

2005-12-09T23:30:00.002+08:00

yea ok... stupid finals are coming in 3 days, and i'm still laying on the couch wasting time. omg, i hate myself~! there's like... unlimited pages of notes to go through and i still can't pull myself together!
i'm like... i lock myself in the house 24 hours a day just to try and get some work done... and you know what's the actual working hours are? honestly? i'd say around 2... =____=
it's hopeless

just like heaven

2005-12-03T18:41:00.001+08:00

went to watch "just like heaven" this morning, (finally~!) it's quite nice~ basically it's pretty much the same as the book, only they omitted quite a lot of "details". i love watching these lovey lovey movies once in a while, makes me feel really cosy. that really reminds me of "love actually"... i watched that one for like... 7 times...? lol and i cried like a baby everytime...
oh well... it's just really nice when you know you're in the presence of love~ look around, we see love, not always dignified as in those movies, but it's always there. *love is all around* yea...?
well pardon me for being so... creepy...
so yea... finals are coming in around... less than 2 weeks... really wish i could just... "skip it"... lol~ can't wait till christmas~~ though i probably won't be going away coz i'm tightening my purse strings, it'd be lots of fun~~~ ^^

almost the end

2005-12-01T22:33:00.000+08:00

feel like i haven't updated this thing in a zillion years... =__= well, was really busy with all the assignments and presentations. it's almost over now... only 4 more school days left, then it's a "nice" 3 days study break before i get killed in the finals...
i've spent 45 mins writing up a revision timetable today, as i always do before exams... the one i did for midterms, i didn't really stick to it, and i screwed the whole thing up... so, this time, i'll stick to it to the end. it's just, it's very intense. as in i'll have to study all my hours in the coming 3 weeks. maybe that's the right thing to do...
this semester's almost over now, doesn't seem like i've been to ust for like 3 months... and more amazingly, i survived 3 months. (not so much survived, i'm not doing very well, but at least i didn't quit) yesterday i heard 2 of my not-so-close friends are quiting ust after this sem... 1's going back to australia, and 1's probably going back to uk... =__=
so lucky of them... seriously, i don't know if i'm doing any better after returning to hk... i feel like, i'm kinda stuck in between. i'm definitely not a total "aussie", but i constantly feel like i'm too different from a "honkie"... you know...?~ it's like... a problem of values and "traditions"...
oh well... it's never gonna work out anyway...

NANA

2005-11-21T15:58:00.001+08:00

i went to the movies today~ first time since school started... =__=
well i wasn't going to, and i wasn't going to watch this movie (NANA, if you missed the title), but then i haven't seen my cousin for ages and it'd be nice to catch up and stuff...
and, totally out of my expectations, it was great~ recommended!
oo and while i'm at it, i saw the trailer of "just like heaven"... it looks interesting... many of you don't know but when i was in f3, i read the book of this movie "if only it were true". i joined a book report writing competition using it... and i got an award~! it's a good book~ and i still remeber drawing that nice red golden gate bridge... LOL
one more movie i have to watch~

*************

2005-11-20T14:41:00.000+08:00

haven't updated this for a while now... what can i say? i've been way too busy to think... u know, to come up with anything that's worth mentioning in here...
today i went to tst with manda, to shop for a while, and had tea buffet with our mentor at the kowloon hotel. it's kinda nice~ i've never been to a proper tea buffet before... and it was fun~ with a lot of deserts and pancakes and ice creams and sushi... and it was a big gathering too coz our mentor brought with her 4 nieces and nephews with her... LOL
i've been kinda bumped lately... ppl around me keep asking me why i'm releasing such negative energy now and then... one of my very good friend's sick... as in... sick sick. it just took me at shock, someone of my age, someone who's been so healthy, and all of a sudden, struck down.
it makes me wonder, it could've been me. and i'm just not sure if i'm strong enough to handle something like this.
just so you know, i'll always always be here for you, whenever you need. and i really admire you to be so brave. i can't imagine how hard and scary is must be for you. for what is worth, i love you so much.

"soul-mates"

2005-11-08T03:21:00.000+08:00

3 of my good friends are having romance problems at the same time, and on some level, for the same reason too. it's prob a universal thing, all guys are like that.
they say one thing, they do another thing. what they say, it's just a way to "calm you down", or to "cheer you up", that's it. no commitment, no promise. but us girls, we're stupid enough to trust, for so long that even they messed up, we still make up excuses for them.
dating's hard, relationships' even harder. nobody said it's all about the fun. some people believe in "soul-mates", that everyone's destined to be with someone. that there's a perfect match for everyone out there somewhere.
well... i don't buy that. i don't believe any 2 ppl is destined to be together. i believe that certain people are more suitable for others. i believe in falling in love, and you work hard for the relationship. some day you work really hard. but if you want it to last, you put effort, you try your best. you try to bear all his annoying habits, you try to see how cute he is when he wears shorts.
as long as you keep a bottom line, you compromise. if you want something, you have to earn it. if you don't know how to handle a serious relationship, don't be in one.

i did it!

2005-11-06T15:57:00.001+08:00

i'm so proud of myself~! i said no to something that i thought i could never reject! i stood up for myself and did what's best for me! ^^
although the tough times seem to be so far away, i still rmb how painful it was. and i'm not going to let myself fall back to that trap again, ever again. and i did it!! i save myself from all the misery! don't know why but i feel really... fulfilled after saying no. i told me friends about it and somehow they don't think it's such a bigger deal... =__=
oh well... for me, it's great~
today i woke up at 7:30 to go to this firm visit at prudential insurance... it's sooooo stupid. i had to sit there for almost 3 hrs to listen to those ppl talking about how great the insurance field is... and guess what, i've heard all about it. i've taken the agents exam in june... (it's pretty useless for me now coz the license only lasts for 2 yrs and obviously i won't be graduated by then) well there's one good thing though... i got to know all about insurance and their policy and stuff...
hmm... i had to wear full suit today and my toes hurt sooooo bad from walking/running in high heels all day... aiai... still need much more practice before i can walk "freely" in those heels...
anyway, i'm pretty happy with myself today, i spent like 100 on my lunch with my friends at tst. it's been soooooo long since i spent so much on a lunch. it was wonderful... i almost wanted to take a pic of all the deliciouxxxxxxx food... there was pasta, salad, pizza, chicken wings, garlic bread and this weird desert thing with bread crumps on it... -__-" but overall, it's marvellous =)

sweet 19th

2005-11-04T15:10:00.000+08:00

happy bday to me~! i've never thought this year would be so memorable...
you see... i just got back from melb and i just didn't think i would meet such a group of friends who actually will throw me a surprise party...
well it's not really a surprise party but it's great enough... i'll never forget about this~! you guys have really brightened up my day~ thx all of you who've called/sms/icq/face to face greeted me happy bday... thx sooooooo much~~~ thx mum thx dad, thx vivian, thx manda, thx zoie, thx kathy, thx emily, thx fanny, thx alex, thx alan, thx mike, thx idy, thx alfred, thx angela, thx john, thx janice, thx belinda, thx johnny, thx yoyo, thx janice (the other one), thx avis, thx sooooooooo many others...
you don't know how much it means to me... my friends mean the world to me and thx flossie for coming all the way to ust to give me the sweet bday tart... lol~
i luv you all soooooo much~~~~ and i thank god for letting me have the chance to know you guys... ^^

love you love you!!

2005-11-03T15:53:00.002+08:00

here i must give a big kiss to janice... thxxxxxx sooooooo much for calling and the sms... i'm sooooooo moved!!! i've never EVER dreamt that you'd call me up and sing haapy bday... LOL it's such a great surprise after i did crap at acct... @_@
and flossie as well... thxxxxx soooo much for coming over... (well "will come over" to be accurate...) luv u guys a looooot! i duno what i'd do without you... MUAH~!

econ+bisc

2005-10-25T02:53:00.000+08:00

it's 11:41pm. 12 hrs later i'm going to have my bisc midterm and i'm so not ready for it.
not to mention there's an essay due tmr which i'm only half way thru...~ hmm if i keep talking about my hw i could go on and on for at least an hour~
i just finished my econ midterm tonight, it was actually better than i thought. at least i feel confident when i handed in the paper, and i got that familiar, long-missed of fulfilling feeling when i stepped out of the lecture hall. phew~ that's not too bad~ but i'm just way too tired to study for bisc now... my plan is, to wake up earlier tmr and bury myself in bisc notes...
hmm tmr night i'll have to stay at school till 9 again... that's at least 9... and by the time i get home it'll be like 11... =__= why? oh... i joined another mentoring program... LOL
well not so much "joined", more like "applied", and tmr night is the interview... i'm not really desperate to join this one coz i've already got one. but of course i don't mind having more mentors~ lol~
it's 11:52 now and my eyelids are feeling heavier than ever... better let them rest now~ (so healthy, sleeping before 12!) and get ready for tmr!! ^^

stupid french

2005-10-20T14:45:00.000+08:00

i've got 3 midterms coming up in the next few days, i'm supposed to be- and i must be- studying every minute every day... but tonight after french, i'm just dead...
to be more specific, it's not after french, it's before and during and after french... =__= don't know why but tonight the whole class was dead, even the professor was dead...
we usually take a 5 mins break after the first hour, but tonight he went out for like 15 mins... which was good but... kinda weird too~ well prob coz it's wed... everyone's tired on weds...
mm with all these studying i have to do, i'm really thinking about dropping french after this semester. it's just too much, especially when i have to go all the way to jordon two nights a week. it's just such a long way and i waste some much time on transportation...
but honestly, if i drop it now, as in after this level, i prob won't be able to pick it up again... given i'm already soooooo much behind in class... aiaiai~
my friends and i started talking about travelling to europe in that 15 mins break... it's soooo attractive, there're soooo many places i want to go in europe~ france of course, italy, germany, turkey, spain, portugal, austria... if i have the $$~ it's a materialistic world after all~

somewhere over the rainbow

2005-10-08T06:59:00.000+08:00

i've been kinda too busy to think lately~ whenever i get to time to stop and rest, i start to realise how stupid it is to try to forget by packing my own schedule. but it's not like there's nothing good about it, at least i did get some work done and i've been participating in school~
all the travelling between home and school's been wearing me down. i've always been the last one to whine about travelling too much, i always have no problems sitting/standing in trains/buses for hours and still be fine. but now it's like... i'm sick of the smell on transportations~
except for today, when i was dragging myself to school this morning, when i was on the minibus rushing through the pouring rain. (i duno why but somehow it always rains in choi hung/sai kung) the weird thing was, the sun was still shining bright, and that's when i saw a rainbow, a tiny little rainbow right there above an old building~ it wasn't colourful at all but that's the magical thing about rainbows~ it always give you hopes and it's like... you just know it we're in a wonderful world~
well... it is wonderful, it will be more wonderful if i can get my computer fixed and no longer have to type my blogs at school... =__=

impossible closure

2005-09-26T13:27:00.001+08:00

how do u get a closure? u burn all the stuff he gave u? u deliberately break something he treasures? u tear off his heads from all ur photos?
i guess that's why i can't get a closure, coz i don’t have any of the above! how could u get a closure when it’s never started?
u must be thinkin... why on earth would i start talking abt this again. yea i was over it, at least for a while, or for a few days, or for a few hrs in a few days. but then last night, i got this unknown caller id call in the middle of the night... n the 1st thing that popped into my head is that... what if it's not just some creepy harassing phone call? what if it's what i've been longing for? =__=
god! save me! as i watch myself typing all this, i realise how pathetic i am. how silly it is to be so desperate over someone who don’t care, not even a tiny little bit...
it's easy when u say it, it's just a ride. when it's not worth it, u let go, u forget about it. but i had no idea how hard it is when u actually have to do it, when u actually have to rip someone out of ur heart. it hurts, but u know that’s what you have to do to stop the bleeding.
i'll wait till a day when i can say, standing strong on my feet, i'm over u. but before that day comes, i'll just have to sit in a dark corner moaning... well maybe except the times when i'm with my dear friends. love u all n thx again...

back at home

2005-09-24T14:09:00.001+08:00

i've missed a few days n pls dun fink it's coz i'm too lazy to write... actually i've been way too busy to go online... plus my stupid computer broke down again, 3rd time in 2 months, it’s a piece of crap. so i can't go online at home. if u c me on msn, i'm prob at the computer barn at school waiting for lectures...
it's almost the end of sept. now that i think about it, i've been back to hk for almost a year now... well after my ova-9-month vacation, i'm definitely more than overwhelmed this month. 1st few weeks back to school, it's more than i ever thought it'd be... not only assignments, but also all the activities, home studies, health course stuff... i first realise how little time we have everyday~ n all the traveling btw school n home has worn me down... i now have sore shoulders n back that i think will stay with me till the next long holiday...
it's like it's using up all my energy, everyday wgen i'm on the mtr/westrail on my way home, it's always dark n depressing... it's like... there goes a day... although i'm experiencing different things everyday at uni, i'm starting to feel that i'm stuck at a routine again... but that's life isn’t it...? it's all abt routines, schedules, responsibilities, competitions...
the last thing i need is another fight with my parents. i can't even imagine living with them again... this coming Saturday.. i'm now really worried. what if we just... don’t know how to be with each other anymore...? is it an universal thing or is it just me? i always get so frustrated n grumpy whenever i'm with them... that’s another important thing i have to learn.

let go

2005-09-19T10:26:00.001+08:00

i spent soooo much time on the net today... half coz i'm working on the lang presentation, half coz i've got notthing better to do. n i started talking to this unknown person on msn... quite funny letting it all out to someone i don’t even know, n get responses from a totally diff perspective.
we all try to live responsible, logical lives. but we can't tell what our hearts to feel, or what not to feel. and sometimes our hearts lead us to places we never thought we’d be. sometimes our hearts can be the sweetest, gentlest thing we have. sometimes our hearts can make us feel miserable, angry, excited n confused all at the same time. sometimes we're so blinded in life coz we're holding onto something that can never be. we suffocate ourselves before we learn how to let go.
i'm still lost in my world, wondering about tmr, not having the slightest idea of where i'm going. but at least my heart's open. i'm breathing.